Remotes

How many is it that I have now? Lots. There's the TV, the VCR, the DVD, the hi-fi, a separate one for the CD player, the satellite receiver ... I think that should cover at least most of them. Not only is that a whole lot of buttons, it's at least six gadgets to keep track of. Sometimes just remembering where you put them is hard enough. And even when you have them right there in front of you, there's still confusion.

If all I want to do is skip a track on the CD, I have to use the CD remote. Logical enough. Adjusting the volume on the music is done with the hi-fi remote. I should have picked a CD player of the same brand as the rest of the hi-fi set. It has a separate section for a CD player, but it won't talk to the CD player that I have because it has another name.

I did have the same brand TV and VCR, once upon a time, but the TV went into a dodgy mode for some reason and got replaced by another one of yet another brand, so although earlier I could keep just one for TV and VCR together I now have one for each.

In order to get decent sound for my movies, I prefer to have my hi-fi set take care of the audio output. So in order to boost or quiet down the sound of the news, or the DVD or VCR movie, I have to use the hi-fi remote. I also have to use the hi-fi remote to pick which one of those I want to listen to – or I risk ending up listening to an old VHS version of Lion King whilst watching the news on CNN, which is murder on the lip-sync.

You may at this stage want to scream at me that there are multi-device remote controllers. Well, I know this, and I've even tried some of them. And believe me, however many different brands and models these gadgets claim to cover, they will never be able to deal with just your media menagerie. There will always be one or more item that won't work with that specific controller. You'll need the electronic equivalent of a Swiss army knife, and seeing as I don't think those come with remote control capability, I'm also not willing to try using the knife's assortment of saw blades, knives in all sizes and shapes, screwdrivers, can openers, compass, scissors, toothpicks and tweezers on my TV set.

Not to mention batteries. If you have six remotes, you will need to replace batteries at least six times as often as if you had only one. And you never know which one will be next to pass out, or when, and none of them use the same type of batteries.

And how come every time I sit comfortably in my chair and want to switch channels or listen to music, someone else has decided that the proper place for a remote control is not where you sit and frequently need to use them, but rather on top of the TV, beside the hi-fi or, if I'm lucky, neatly covered by totally unrelated items in a random drawer somewhere in the murkier and less frequently accessed parts of the apartment, most often moved there a mere five minutes after you yourself placed it conveniently within reach of your not quite outstretched hand. It totally defeats the purpose of having a remote control in the first place, which is to ensure that you don't have to get up and walk about to switch from CNN to Cartoon Network when they start talking sports or stock market.

That said, I'm thinking about spending the evening with a good book¹.

¹ Presently «Witches Abroad» by Terry Pratchett.

I copied this off another blog of mine, which sadly never really saw the light of day. And anyway I needed some stuff to get this one properly of the starting line with.